I'm Here Now, How Can I Make the Most of it?

I have been writing a lot of songs lately but realized that I haven’t done a blog post in awhile. I think it’s because I have been going through a lot of emotions and not seeing things as clearly as I would like to. I was in Paris for a week for a family wedding and now I’m in New Jersey, where I grew up. Being home has brought  up some memories that I thought I had healed from but I guess I had some more pain I needed to feel and let go. I took this weekend to be alone and do just that. Then yesterday I went to my parent’s house upstate with friends and had the most beautiful day. Somewhere between the rolling green hills and the beginning of summer breeze, I realized I have all I need to be happy.

  It’s crazy how much sadness and frustration comes from wanting what we can’t have or wishing things were different than they are. Once I let go of trying to rewrite the past or figure out the future; I get the privilege of realizing all the beauty right in front of me. Friends, family, music, my health, and so much more. To me “living everyday like it’s your last” isn’t about doing something crazy or risky; it’s about appreciating the little things more. The smell of coffee in the morning, the smile from a kind stranger, a hug from a loved one, stepping outside for the first breath of fresh air. We only get to enjoy these things for so long. Nothing is mundane when you choose to be excited by life itself, and not the promise of something better. 

  I think we often get mad that we can’t find answers to questions we never needed to ask in the first place.  “Why did they do that?” “What if this doesn’t work out?” “Who is going to care about this?” “Where did I go so wrong?” Self reflection is important so you can take accountability and move forward with more wisdom, but at some point you just have to say, this is what happened, this is what I learned from it, I’m here now, how can I make the most of it? We can get stuck trying to justify emotions intellectually that we just need to let go of.  We can put together a story that makes sense to us in order to move on. We can write hundreds of songs (as I do), and it’s therapeutic. But at the end of it all, I recognize that there’s a limit to how much words can do. 

I sit and I close my eyes every morning and I say everything I’m grateful for. I breathe in and out till my thoughts clear and there’s nothing but empty space. I realize that each day I have the opportunity to fill that space with whatever I want. So I can choose anger, reliving the past, and fear of the future, or I can choose love, forgiveness, and excitement for exactly where I am right now. Over and over again I realize the only answer I need is the ability to be content and peaceful in the present. It never ceases to amaze me how things figure themselves out the second I stop trying to control them.

Back to blog