The Bright Side of Rejection

It’s taken me a long time to get comfortable with rejection and I’ll admit that it’s still something I struggle with at times. I’ve learned to see rejection as an opportunity rather than a setback. Even if it sucks, there is a lot to learn from being told no. Rejection leads to reflection and that can be hard when you are self-aware. It’s easy to question your worth and overanalyze everything you might have done wrong. But confidence isn’t about being perfect or always getting it right, confidence is about knowing you have the tools to move forward and keep going. Confidence is deciding that if someone else doesn’t choose you, you will.

I’ve noticed that for me, rejection leads to a feeling of emptiness. All the sudden there is this hole in my chest and how I choose to fill it depends on whether I want to hurt myself or help myself. I can choose the quick fix and chase dopamine by turning to my vices or rebuild a strong foundation with healthy habits that ground me and make me feel whole. My ego wants to find immediate validation after being rejected, either by discrediting the person that rejected me or searching for someone “better” to replace them. But this has only ever created a vicious cycle that eventually leaves me back in the same situation. Although it is harder to acknowledge the insecurities and feelings of sadness, the only way out of them is through them. When I choose to take responsibility for own thoughts and feelings, and cultivate unconditional love and compassion for myself, I am amazed at how strong I feel.

I often feel like I care about people more than they care about me, and maybe everyone feels that way. I love to give, and I am very conscious of how I make others feel. I know what it feels like to think you don’t matter and you’re not worthy of love, and I would never want to make anyone else feel that way. Every person has something extremely special to offer and I get a lot of joy out of helping others see the best in themselves. As I’m getting older, however, I am realizing that I need to set boundaries. Even if you get joy out of making others feel loved, putting your energy into the hands of someone who misuses it can be both disheartening and exhausting.

I think I spent a lot of my life believing that I didn’t deserve my effort or energy reciprocated but we all do. Next time we get rejected, let’s consider it an opportunity to find someone who chooses us the way we choose them. Let’s move forward with confidence knowing that all we are losing is a promise of what could never be.

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